What does it mean to be Sex Positive?

I get asked all the time, why did you name your book Sex Positive? What does that even mean?

One of the most common misconceptions about being “Sex Positive” is that it means you love sex, you are always up for sex, and/or, that you are having sex all the time. Rather, being sex positive to me indicates a healthy approach to sex that emphasizes boundaries, safety and consent – and respecting other people’s rights to have the same, even if their boundaries or pleasures might be vastly different from your own.

In the book, I define the Sex Positive movement as:  a social, political and philosophical movement that promotes and embraces sexuality and sexual expression, with an emphasis on safe and consensual sex.

You might have sex multiple times a day, or you might have declared yourself celibate: These can both be sex positive approaches so long as they emphasize autonomy, respect and consent. It’s not about the behaviors, the partners or how you like to fuck. It’s about the energy behind your decisions, and feeling GOOD about yourself as a sexually empowered being. In a world where being yourself can be so hard, radical self-acceptance is the ultimate personal revolution.

Why is this important?

For too long we have been shoved into tiny little boxes, usually based upon on our gender(s), families, religious institutions and educators, that may have conditioned us to believe that only a small range of sexual behaviors, gender identities and relationship styles are appropriate. In the book, I call this line of conditioning “fake news” (which has lingered since the Victorian era and beyond) and I encourage all people to reject any stereotypes, expectations, and forms of conditioning that may have taught them their sexual desires, behaviors, feelings and identities are either wrong, invalid or somehow inherently shameful. The book covers the ways that we are changing our attitudes about love and our sex lives, from incorporating technologies into our sex lives, to reclaiming the female orgasm, rejecting gender stereotypes, having spiritual/energetic sex, discovering gender fluidity as well as relationship fluidity, and searching for something different than any past generations.

We are reclaiming sex; Our beliefs are evolving; We are rewriting the rules and about sex, love and relationships, moving away from these old narrow scripts and moving towards true freedom of self-expression, where we no longer have to apologize for who we are, who we love, who we fuck, or why. This for me is the crux of being Sex Positive and huge part of why I wrote this book.

Excerpt from the book:

For hundreds, maybe thousands of
years, the true nature of our sexuality has been repressed by
societal and religious institutions that have sought to control
and manipulate the masses. We have not grown up in a world
that encourages us to fully know and love ourselves as sexual
beings. Many of us were raised to be fearful and shameful of
sexuality, or conditioned by institutions, schools, corporations
and the mass media to believe that only certain expressions
of the sexual body, relationships and physical intimacy are
appropriate. One could even go so far as to say that until very
recently, our sexuality has been commoditized, and that our
true nature as sexual beings suppressed.

But it has not always been this way. As you will learn in this
book, for thousands of years before Western society even existed,
Eastern and Indigenous Native traditions have long understood
that the entire Universe operates as a sexual system, reflecting
the balance of masculine and feminine energies that all people
inherently possess regardless of their gender. Through achieving
sexual harmony both within ourselves and in our relationships
with intimate partners, we can unlock the keys to our health
and wellness.